Matty's weblog of doom

I littered
I gathered in groups of more than 4 at night
I walked naked in my home
I watched porn
I hugged a girl
I not flushed the toilet
I poked fun at religion
I poked fun at other races
I connected on an unsecured WI-FI hotspot
I spat in public

So I’m eating breakfast right now in one of those big Asian ‘food courts’ and I’m very concerned. The noodles I ate were fine – fair enough the guy used his bare hands to pick up the noodles but they went through boiling water so it’s cool. Though in the past I’ve been to these places and have gotten sick afterwards. But what I was really concerned with was the hygiene of the drinks places. I spied an offering of mango juice from across the room and was like ‘yeah score!!’ but then as I was waiting in line, I noticed the woman who was serving was covered in sweat, her face dripping. ‘Fair enough,’ I thought. But then I noticed she was dripping sweat into some poor person’s meal. NEXT!

I ended up getting a can of coke, wiping the hell out of the can and then using a straw.

/obsessed with not dying from food.

- Matt

Listening to hamish and Andy on the plane – look like a guy laughing at nothing.

I like air hostesses. Hot.

Damn they ran out of noodles. I wanted noodles. Curry mmm hot and yum high class alcohol for free. Damn drinking on empty stomach was a very good idea.

1:16 it just occurs to me that while I have the best seat in the plane, I’m disadvantaged when it comes to choice in food. WTF I really wanted noodles. Lamb pie is good though. But noodles. Nooooooodllleeessss.

1:19 it occurs to me that while I might feel that my drinks aren’t really doubles (I’ve been ordering doubles but suspecting that they were only singles) that they might actually be legitimate doubles. Shit. I have an overwhelming urge to socialise but must restrain myself only to pie consumption. Nomnomnom.

1:22 I have a confession to make. My seatbelt isn’t actually working. I’m too lazy to alert the hostesses (even though really it would provide the perfect opportunity for an opening) but a thought just occured to me. I’m like 9 or 10 kilometers above the ground, a few kilometers away from Townsville (haha Stuart I know you read this: I’m closer to your girlfriend right now than you are!!) but if the plane exploded or something, I’d be dead anyway. My life rests on some engineers’ ideas and calculations. I know some engineers. They think about girls more than I do. I’m fucked.

1:26 I just want them to take my plate away so I can watch heroes. What will happen with sylar this time?!!?!?!? The guy next to me is sick I hope he doesn’t get me sick. You know, I have an overwhelming urge to socialise but I’m on a plane and it isn’t possible. Can’t even smoke. Gah. Must act proper. Proper!

1:27 OMG TURBULENCE!!!!!!

1:29 I was hoping for a drinking buddy. Fail.

2:19 they’re giving me doubles without me asking. Win.

4:45 getting drunk on a plane has it’s disadvantages. For example. Need water.

4:51 more disadvantages of being exit row: constant light from toilets.

5:02 they turned on the lights WTF there’s still 2 hrs till landing… I think

5:08 not yet. But cue crying babies… Wait for it. Wait for it… (they just got parents to get babies out lf their cot things)… Oh. Surprisingly silent.

5:13 guy next to me is a dick. He’s been asleep pretty much the whole time. What an asshole.

5:15 person to my 11 o’clock has been watching ‘my sassy girl’ in small bits throughout the whole trip. In snippets. 8 o’clock has a bangin body.

5:17 I’m hungry. Kid behind me has food but isn’t eating it. Unappreciative bastard, maybe I can reach over and eat it.

5:21 is that a throat or a chin? Throatchin! Man these people with kids get their food first but don’t want it. I just want a good nom. Hungry. Looking at food. I want food dammit! I know anyone reading this probably would get a distorted sense of time but well, I want food.

5:25 someone gave me the impression that you could drive from singapore to Malaysia but the map looks different? Maybe it’s cause it’s cut but looks like it’d be a bitch to drive over the sea. Unless there’s some kicksss sea bridge with sexy ninjas or something.

5:51 my summary of ‘my sassy girl’: girl is asshole to guy, he falls in love with her.

7:50 I get to conveyor belt and my luggage disappears cause it’s been a loop. Fml

8:22 didn’t know the free local call payphones were only inside the restricted area, now I’m on a train to a place I don’t know, the people who I’m staying with don’t know where I am and I have no way of contacting anyone. Epic win. Woman at airport tried to scam me for a sim card. Parents mixed in china money with my Singapore money and I was all confused why the dollar coins weren’t working for the MRT… funny name cuz that’s like the MTR but not. Lots of Indians around.

7:20 switched to Singapore time. Lots of kids around

7:24 I think some kid just called me waterboy

7:30 just saw a dude wearing a surfers paradise shirt. I said ‘that’s where I’m from!’ He ignored me.

7:49 note to self only drink on planes when you have people picking you up

8:25 I have successfully guessed my first wireless password. Too bad it’s blocking my MAC address.

12:17 I have re-read this entire post from the start. I have decided that I may be slightly (or more than) retarded. End of post.