Matty's weblog of doom

October 25, 2008

Infant Sorrow – Inside of You

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 3:47 pm

Oh these ancient skies
I’ve had these wandering eyes
but you took me by surprise
when you let me inside of you

Inside of you
Inside of you
There’s got to be
Some part of me
Inside of you

Inside of you, I could cross this desert plane
Inside of you, I can hear you scream my name
Inside of you, while the stars unfold
I’ve crossed me heart and I’ve crossed the world
And I need you here and I need to be
Inside of you

Now the flowers bloom
I feel you creep into my room
And if this should be our tune
I’ll die here inside of you

And the world explodes
I’ve never been down this road
Teach me how to glow
While I’m moving
Inside of you

Inside of you, the restless find their dreams
Inside of you, this king has found his queen
Inside of you, all the stars unfold
I’ve crossed me heart and I’ve crossed the world
And I need you here and I need to be
Inside of you

Inside of you
Bay blue
So say it’s you
To thoughts untrue
Who I woo
It’s you I woo

Through and through
And through and through
There’s so much more than just a screw
Inside of you

And I was blizzard blind
Felt like I’ve lost me mind
But you’ve treated me so kind
I don’t know what to do.

October 16, 2008

I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 9:53 pm

Everyone in this world is just trying to get by.

Remember that next time someone is an asshole to you or does something selfish that affects you. Everybody is just trying to get by in their own way: Some people find careers, some people delve in to their hobbies, some people study a lot and some people party too much.

This is hard to remember when someone ’causes’ you pain. It’s hard because at the same time, you’re just trying to get by as well and being selfish is the most normal way of doing so. When you want to relate to someone else or get to know someone else it’s important to have this in your mind. Everybody is human and they’re all going through the same things you go through.

Side story that is semi-related:

For months and months, I’ve been avoiding watching chinese TV because I think it’s crap. The technology in production is years behind the technology of western media and I just get this general ‘lame’ feeling about it. But tonight, I sat down for dinner while some show was on and something just clicked in my mind and my perspective changed.

This show is about these guys with super powers defeating these other people with super powers while flying around and shooting different forms of energy beams at each other. As I mentioned before, the technology they used in these films is bad so it’s obvious there’s plenty of strings and post-production use of MSPaint or something similar. I don’t know much about the story-line but I’ll assume it’s moderately passable.

So I’m sitting here thinking this show is incredibly lame until I realised: Wait one second! My favourite show is Heroes! What happens in Heroes? Dudes with super powers go after other dudes with super powers and have super power fights. Despite the fact that the technology used in production is a lot better, the concepts are still the same.

Then I realised I probably shouldn’t think that people who like chinese TV dramas etc are lame because in reality, we’re probably watching the same things in slightly different lights. Having this frame of mind when relating to other people probably helps a lot in understanding them.

All very zen.

A final point that I’m going to make here, and it’s exclusively for the boys. Girls can read it too if you want to feel all warm and fuzzy… or damp.

There’s a theory that flies around in dark places that to even start talking to the most beautiful of girls, you need to ‘bring them down to your level’ through statements that lower their perceived social value. While I do see a use for it (mainly if you’re not very cool), I think it’s stupid.

Girls spend hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours… you get the point. They spend so much time trying to look good. And for what?

To look good?

Why do they want to look good?

So guys will like her?

To quote Nate, “So that guys will pick her over OTHER girls… VALIDATION. She needs to know that she’s a good girl, she needs to know that she’s not broken… that guys find her attractive… that she won’t end up alone… that other girls are not prettier than she is. She needs to hear that voice of encouragement. She needs verbal hugs as well as physical ones. She needs to know that SHE is special not ordinary… ordinary sucks… Everything she does screams, “Please love me”.

So she gets waxed, tanned, she spends hours on a stair climber trying to fix her perfect ass that is so insecure about ’cause she thinks its either too big or too small… she gets fake boobs to get an edge on other girls… she gets fake nails, her hair highlighted.

How wonderful must it feel to have a random stranger say, “Good job… you look great… to me you are perfect. Thank you for making me enjoy the fact that I’m a guy who gets to look at your beauty”???”

Food for thought.

- Matt

October 13, 2008

Room Cleaning Follies

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 1:38 am

Ok so I haven’t updated in what I think is a while. This is due to a lack of inspiration. I always want to deliver a piece of writing that I like and I don’t like any of the crap that has come out of my laptop lately. Even this is kind of borderline.

So just to keep those who read this blog but whom I don’t communicate with (you know who you are) updated, here’s a video that I made sometime last week.

Ok so I’m a bit retarded but yeah.

- Matt

October 6, 2008

You are worthy

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 9:22 pm

The last few days I’ve been looking back into the past and thinking about a few things. Mainly, things that have caused me or helped me develop my self esteem/self worth. It’s interesting to see how little things that happen to you can actually define a lot of how you think and shape your personality.

Before I get into it, this isn’t a bash on religion at all. So anyone who thinks it could possibly be or might want to reframe the issue as such can go… hmm I can’t swear here.

So one of the big influences on my self esteem/worth has been Christianity. This isn’t good or bad. It just is. Now the thing is, with Christianity one of the biggest tenets is that YOU ARE NOT WORTHY. This is a theme that is constantly gone over, and I probably heard this every week for 21 years or so. You are not worthy for God, you are a sinner, you sin and you’re bad. Everything you do is monitored, your actions, your THOUGHTS. There is no way out of it, everything you could possibly do will put you down as a sinner.

Yet some of these ‘sins’ are entirely natural things. Lets put it out there. Sex and sexuality are absolutely natural things. I’m not going to debate on sex before marriage, but it’s a perfectly natural thing to think about sex. Yet lustful thoughts are sinful. The list goes on, but I’m pretty sure my point is clear. It’s a continual spiral into self worthlessness and loathing, as you are a sinner.

It’s pretty clear how this can make a person feel worthless and unworthy. So is it healthy? I think not.

Self esteem, worth and approval are absolutely the most important things to have if you want good emotional health. It’s important to build character, to be a normal human being. There’s nothing wrong with being human. Here’s a news flash for you: you ARE human.

Just a few thoughts.

- Matt

October 5, 2008

Emos, the sad 5th brother of Amos.

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 4:37 am

Glory glory glory.

The month of October is shaping up to be pretty good. But lets have a recap of September first:

Don’t know how long the video will be up for because apparently it violates copyright laws.

And for something extra, DUDE, what a hardcore!

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