Matty's weblog of doom

If Gillard was good for anything, she showed that it really doesn’t matter who you vote for in the election. That can change. But the party doesn’t.

Just like people were saying that Inception was ‘mind-blowing’, I’ve been hearing painfully moronic comments the last few weeks such as:

“I don’t like [party representative].”
“I’m voting for Gillard because she’s a woman.”
“Both candidates suck.”

Why are these comments moronic? BECAUSE YOU AREN’T VOTING FOR A PERSON. You’re voting for a PARTY. The party is a team that works together to create policies. I won’t profess to possess more than a rudimentary level of knowledge about the Australian political system and how everything works, but even someone of average intelligence should know that the person doesn’t matter as much as the party, policies, ideals and values.

Oh no! Abbott wears budgie smugglers! Oh crap what is Gillard doing out of the kitchen?! WHO CARES. It’s all about the party, not the person.

If you voted based on whether you liked someone or not (personality wise, excluding values, policies, etc): You are a retard. If you voted based on party ideals/values: Good work. If you voted based on party policies, and made a completely informed decision on how you want your country to be run rather than basing it on some shallow attribute: I applaud your efforts.

If you voted for Gillard PURELY because she’s a woman: Go die in a fire. And please, never have kids.

That is all.

- Matt

I decided to start writing a comic called Dr. Smooth – about a doctor who takes pride and joy in the creative way he hits on his patients. Or something like that, I still need to brush up the concept, but here’s the first comic:

If you ever watched Californication and wondered to yourself, ‘I wonder how many girls Hank slept with in the show?’, wonder no more: 17.

I was at my mate’s place before, and saw a wheelchair in the corner of the room. My mate decided to get on it and started showing off his balancing skills and all these wheelchair tricks. I was like, ‘Hell yeah, I wanna try to do that.’

So I got on and managed to get it to lift (it’s pretty easy, you just pull the wheels back and then push them forward quickly), but I couldn’t get it to balance. I was scared of overshooting the balance point and falling over.

Then my mate said, ‘You gotta fall over before you find that balance spot.’

I didn’t believe him and kept going for a bit, but not finding it.

So he waited until I was going for it again, and he pushed me. I fell over backwards. Then I got up, tried again, and finally made it balance.

- Matt

So I’ve finally picked up a copy of ‘Eats, shoots and leaves’ (God I hope I got that right) and now I’m all super paranoid about my grammar. I’m only halfway through but now I’ve discovered I’ve been wrong about several things for many years. 

For example, the rule for possessive apostrophes in words that end with ‘s’ is that you add an extra s at the end, for example, ‘That bed is James’s.’ I think. Or maybe I got it wrong. I’m sure it’s right though and now everyone will start commenting or emailing me telling me I’ve got it all wrong and all I have to say is: go google it. 

And why does the iPad automatically write ‘vie’ when I’ve clearly typed ‘I’ve’?

I quite like this book and I suggest everyone have a read. It’s actually pretty funny. Grammar and punctuation are also pretty important things (especially on the internet), so go read it and learn something. I know I am. 

Hell, I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. Somebody check my punctuation and tell me if I’m right. 

- Matt 

People who brag about their nights out on Facebook are retarded. I’m talking about those who are all like ‘Tonight is going to be AWESOME!!!!’ and ‘Last night was INCREDIBLE!!!!’. 

Seriously. At least four people on my facey’s only updates involve how good their night is going to be or how good their last night was.

Why do they do this? Is it to make themselves look cool?

It only makes it clear to all of their friends that they don’t really have lives outside of ‘going out’. Seriously. Get something better to brag about, yeah?